Friday, July 17, 2009

Friday morning...

Nothing like getting a call first thing in the morning telling you something you already knew. Jesus, this sucks! Another heart break, another failure. I really don't have much else to say, but just wanted to thank you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past few really means alot.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

One word...

negative. That's all I've got...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

To test, or not to test?

That is the question? I'm still debating on whether to POAS prior to Friday's blood draw. Actually, I'm terrified. Hubby is a stressed-out wreck, and keeps telling me how guilty he's feeling about going away for the weekend. That's probably why he keeps telling me I should test early. Like I said yesterday, part of me wants to and part of me doesn't. I just want to hold onto that little shred of hope as long as I can, I guess. If I test tomorrow, I'll be 10dp3dt, Friday would be 11dp3dt. Another consideration, morning or evening? What do you ladies think? I really value your opinions, so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Waiting Game

Yup, that's exactly what I'm playing right now and I hate it! I wish time would just stage right and fast forward to Friday, but alas, I'm not that lucky! I'm 8dp3dt and I got nothing! Well, I mean besides the soreness from the progesterone shots, which seem to be giving me a lot of heartache this time around, I've had a bit of heartburn, some fatigue and some cramping on Saturday and Sunday, but that's it and they're all normal PMS symptoms for me, I might add. It's 'technically' CD28 and I'm a to-the-date kind of girl. However, I'm chalking up the lack of AF symptoms to the fact that I "ovulated" much later than usual this month. And so we wait....tick, tock, tick, tock...

Hubby will be leaving late Friday morning for an all weekend bachelor party , which means he won't be home when the news comes in. Devastating if it's yet another negative! I've told my girlfriend that if she sees me trying to drown myself in our front yard sprinkler to come and save me! I do have a bachelorette party myself on Saturday night, so I can always drown my sorrows there, but you know, I'd really like to NOT be partaking in the alcohol consumption. I asked Hubby if he thought I should test before Friday and he said yes. He voted for Thursday, me for Friday morning. Either way, I'm not yet sure what I'll do. Part of me wants to know, and yet part of me wants to hold on to the not knowing as long as I can. Does that make sense? I guess I'm really just so damn afraid of disappointment again, that I'd rather just not know anything at all until Friday. Not knowing means that I can still hold out hope until they call. Not know means that I still have a chance. All my faith is in God, and we're praying with everything we have that this time it's our turn.

"God always gives His best to
those that leave the choice with Him."

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Playing Catch-up....

Hello friends, yes, I have been a very bad blogger. I must's been over a week since my trigger post, and I have absolutely no excuse for NOT posting other than sheer laziness! I'm not sure how I let that much time get away from me, but as I was sitting having lunch today I realized that I had, and that I had missed posting our retrieval and transfer updates? Hmmm, I hope it's not too late!

So, to catch up, we triggered last Thursday night and had our transfer on Friday morning. Here I was thinking that it was going to be another piece of cake, and boy was I wrong. Well, actually to be quite honest the retrieval itself was uneventful, but I wound up having a bad reaction to the anesthesia this time around and came out hysterically sobbing. I also managed to rip the oxygen mask off and fling it behind the bed...yes folks, all while still being completely out of it. Let me tell you that when Hubby told me what I did I was mortified, to say the least! I did read somewhere that sometimes anesthesia can give you nightmares while you're out and you will wake up not remembering them, so perhaps that's what happened? Needless to say, Hubs thought it was quite funny, and I sat there the rest of the time wanting to kick him. I did also have some major cramping and pretty bad gas pains afterwards, but nothing a hot pack and some Tylenol with Codeine couldn't cure. So anyway, by the time of retrieval I had 18 follies, out of which they got 6 mature eggs (one less than we had last time). We left there pretty happy with those results and praying that we'd have some fighters!!

On Saturday we were called with our fertilization report, and out of the 6 we had four fertilize!! I dropped to my knees praising God, and we spent the rest of the weekend hoping those four would make it to transfer.

We got our call Monday morning that our transfer was scheduled for 12:15, so we knew some of them must have made it. However, the nurses can't tell you anything until you get there, which honestly, I think is just ridiculous! I mean, come on! Anyway, 12:15 sharp I started to drink and we were brought back to recovery. I drank, and drank, and drank. They came in with the portable ultrasound to make sure my bladder was full, told the doctor we were ready to go, and in he came...out of our four, three had made it!! Out of those three, one was six cells and two were five cells!! Here they are in all their glory...

So all in all, MUCH better results this time around. There was 30% fragmentation on one of the five cells (left), but the other two looked great. He suggested putting back in all three, so that's what we did and now we wait! I go in tomorrow morning to have my hormone levels checked and then a pregnancy test next Friday.

Sooo, other than hitting a vein in my butt cheek the other night while doing my progesterone shot (Holy pain!!!) and some random heartburn, I'm feeling pretty good! We're just trying to take it day by day and stay calm. At this point in time, I can't even picture myself pregnant anymore, so if it does happen it will be a shock. Either way, we know that we have no control over the results. It's already decided what will happen by the Big Guy upstairs, so why get ourselves all worked up? That's not to say that if the test is negative we won't be upset, but I'm just feeling so much more at peace with this cycle. Not sure if it's partly due to the acupuncture or something else, but it's strange and comforting. So my dears, I'll leave you with that and with my sincerest thanks for all your prayers and well wishes! It's true that prayer really does work!

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
(Psalm 94:19)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Well, after 13 DAYS of stimming we've finally made it to trigger day!! Estrogen was perfect at 2,523 and progesterone was at 0.5. Two Ovidrel tonight at 9:30 on the dot, and retrieval is scheduled for Friday morning at 8:00!!! Here's where we stand today, and I might add that somewhere along the line I've managed to gain an add'l 5 idea how that happened, but praise God nonetheless!!!!

2 @ 10mm
1 @ 13mm
1 @ 15mm
3 @ 17mm
1 @ 19mm
1 @ 20mm

4 @ 10mm
2 @ 13mm
1 @ 15mm
1 @ 17mm
1 @ 18mm

Sooo, one last monitoring appointment tomorrow morning and then it's on like Donkey Kong! Lol! I'll also be visiting St. Gerard again tomorrow, and have another acupuncture appointment as well. I'm covering all bases this time! With that being said, if you have a moment to spare this evening, please lift us up in prayer. We can use all we can get over the next few days!!

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him."
(Jeremiah 17:7)