So, an update...yesterday's transfer went fine. We got there and they had me start drinking and then took me back for the laser acupuncture. This we will definitely not get roped into doing again. It seemed to both of us that it was just another way for the place to make money. It didn't make me feel anymore relaxed and I got off the table feeling like I just got scammed for $200! After that it was back to the recovery room where we both changed and waited. There was an extremely annoying woman in the bed next to us, and honest to God, if I could have reached over and smacked her I would have! She was constantly yapping on her cell phone and then proceeded to argue with the Dr. about the number of embryos he recommended they put in. She wanted three, 2 that were Grade A and one that was Grade C, and he suggested just two. She then proceeded to tell him that she already had a son, he was an only child and didn't he understand how much that sucked. I kid you not, these were her exact words! Anyway, the Dr. won and they put in two, however she was still arguing with him on her way out the door! I swear, sometimes I just can't wrap my brain around how ungrateful some people are!
Anyway, back to our embies. The prognosis doesn't look great. Out of our four embies, two arrested between day 2 and 3, so when we got there yesterday we only had two left. And these two are just eh. Here they are...
By day 3, your embryos should be between 6-8 cells, and ours were only four. :::sigh::: The Dr. who did the transfer was so nice, but gave us about a 50% chance of success. I swear I heard him say 30%, but Hubby swears he said 50%. Could be Hubs is just trying to keep my hopes up. I go back for bloodwork to check my levels on Sunday, and then am scheduled for a pregnancy test on 2/28. So, there you have it. I am so sad. I feel defeated already and I haven't even finished the race yet. The "why me's" and "what ifs" are killing me today and I don't know what to do. I know that there's still a chance that the embryo's will catch up, but what if they don't? What if we just went through all this and we come out yet again with nothing to show for it? I'm so tired of being a statistic. I'm also having such a hard time giving this up to God. I know that He has a plan for us, I know that He will take care of us, but I'm feeling so resentful right now and I hate it. It took me long enough to get my head around moving onto IVF and, and well, I'm just sad today. I guess I just need a little reassurance and a lot of prayer...
9 comments:
I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. You are completely right, it is out of your hands now and up to those embies and your body to do the work from here. Try to relax and be proud of how much you did/sacrificed to get you to yesterday and focus on that picture of your two beautiful babies.
Just to give you a little perspective, I had only 2 embies left to transfer and they were 7 and 8 celled, but only "ok" quality. None took. A few nesties that I was cycling with had better quality embryo's but less cells. And they got pregnant. You never know what will happen.....your body is a better incubator for those embies...so try not to focus on what they weren't but what they could be doing this very minute (multiplying, multiplying, multiplying).
Sending hugs!
I'm so frustrated for you...but there is a chance, don't give up yet. This is such a time consuming, emotionally draining process...I know exactly what you mean about the "why me's" and "what if's." I am thinking of you guys and praying that this works out for you and that it was just a bumpy start. Hang in there!
Thinking of you and your little embies as you wait. I will be praying that your body is just what they need to start growing like crazy!
Second what WantWait&Pray said. Don't worry about the number of cells; they could just be slow starters. Mine were lagging behind, too, but my doctor told me to remember, "Slow and steady wins the race."
I know it's hard when you hit a bump on this roller-coaster ride, but keep in mind that *no* cycle is perfect, and there are thousands of kids walking around today who looked just like your embies when they were transferred into their mommmies.
Sending you all kinds of good wishes.
I'm so sorry that your feeling down today! But I am praying for you, and I know that with our God, ANYTHING is possible! HE is the creater of life, so DON'T GIVE UP!!! You'll be in my prayers! (((HUGS)))
Think positive thoughts! Your body is the perfect place for your little embies and now that they are there, they can really grow and do their thing. So, think positively. Don't give up yet. You fought so hard to get to this place...don't give up before you've even seen the finish line. :) Hang in there.
I know it's hard to give this up to God when you want it so much. But that's exactly why you have to. It took me a long time to get to that point, but once I did, it really gave me a peace about the decisions and hurdles. You know that God wants you to be a family; He has laid that on your heart. All you have to do now is figure out what path He has chosen for you. For some reason, patience and perserverance are the lessons for the day. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll see these mountains are really just rolling hills.
Erica
So sorry that you are feeling down. You never know what can happen...good luck and I'll be praying!
im sorry things didnt turn out the way you wanted. dont give up hope-a 50% chance seems like the glass is half full to me. keep your head up and keep the faith!
ill be thinking of you!
I'll be praying for your beautiful little embies
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