Negative...

How can a heart that feels so broken still be beating??

6dp3dt

Even though I have no hope that this cycle will result in a positive pregnancy test, I though this was kind of neat. Pregnancy test is scheduled for Saturday (CD26, 13DPO, 10dp3dt)...if I make it that far.

3-DAY TRANSFER:

1dpt...embryo is growing and developing.
2dpt...embryo is now a blastocyst.
3dpt....blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day.
4dpt...blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining.
5dpt...implantation begins as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining.
6dpt...implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining.
7dpt...morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells.
8dpt...placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood.
9dpt...more HCG is produced as fetus develops.
10dpt...more HCG is produced as fetus develops.
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT.

I need to remember this...

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other..." (Ecclesiastes 7:14).

Untitled

I couldn't think of an adequate enough title for this post. I'm over-tired from tossing and turning last night and I'm pretty much at a loss for words right now, so you'll have to forgive me.

So, an update...yesterday's transfer went fine. We got there and they had me start drinking and then took me back for the laser acupuncture. This we will definitely not get roped into doing again. It seemed to both of us that it was just another way for the place to make money. It didn't make me feel anymore relaxed and I got off the table feeling like I just got scammed for $200! After that it was back to the recovery room where we both changed and waited. There was an extremely annoying woman in the bed next to us, and honest to God, if I could have reached over and smacked her I would have! She was constantly yapping on her cell phone and then proceeded to argue with the Dr. about the number of embryos he recommended they put in. She wanted three, 2 that were Grade A and one that was Grade C, and he suggested just two. She then proceeded to tell him that she already had a son, he was an only child and didn't he understand how much that sucked. I kid you not, these were her exact words! Anyway, the Dr. won and they put in two, however she was still arguing with him on her way out the door! I swear, sometimes I just can't wrap my brain around how ungrateful some people are!

Anyway, back to our embies. The prognosis doesn't look great. Out of our four embies, two arrested between day 2 and 3, so when we got there yesterday we only had two left. And these two are just eh. Here they are...

By day 3, your embryos should be between 6-8 cells, and ours were only four. :::sigh::: The Dr. who did the transfer was so nice, but gave us about a 50% chance of success. I swear I heard him say 30%, but Hubby swears he said 50%. Could be Hubs is just trying to keep my hopes up. I go back for bloodwork to check my levels on Sunday, and then am scheduled for a pregnancy test on 2/28. So, there you have it. I am so sad. I feel defeated already and I haven't even finished the race yet. The "why me's" and "what ifs" are killing me today and I don't know what to do. I know that there's still a chance that the embryo's will catch up, but what if they don't? What if we just went through all this and we come out yet again with nothing to show for it? I'm so tired of being a statistic. I'm also having such a hard time giving this up to God. I know that He has a plan for us, I know that He will take care of us, but I'm feeling so resentful right now and I hate it. It took me long enough to get my head around moving onto IVF and, and well, I'm just sad today. I guess I just need a little reassurance and a lot of prayer...

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!

Got the call this morning and today's THE day!!! I don't have much time to write, but I'm scheduled for laser acupuncture (yeah, how cool is that?) at 1:15 with the transfer immediately following! AAAAGGGGGHHHH!! The big day is finally here! I'm praying that all our hard work will pay off, and that God keeps our embies safe and sound! I'll try to update later with a pic of the embies, but in the mean time, prayers would be most welcome!!!!!

And it's lucky number....

FOUR!!! Out of our seven beauties, five were ICSI'd and we are now the proud parents of four beautiful embryos! Wow! I start the PIO shots tonight :::shudder:::, and as long as everything goes smoothly, they're looking at a 3 day transfer, which would be Wednesday! Holy crap!

Just wanted to thank all you lovelies out there for your thoughts, good wishes and prayers! Keep 'em coming!!

Today's the day!!!

******UPDATE!******

Everything went off without a hitch! I was terrified for nothing, and let me tell you, that anesthesia was some goooood stuff! LOL!! Hubby said I came out talking about margaritas?? Haha!! More importantly, they retrieved SEVEN beautiful eggs!! We'll find out tomorrow how many fertilized, so please send up a few more prayers if can!

Yep, we're going in this morning at 8:30 for our 10:00 retrieval!!! I'm so excited, and yet terrified at the same time! We triggered on Friday night and two Ovid.rel's later we're finally ready! I can't believe the day is finally here. It's been such a long, hard road and I'm praying with everything I have that today produces our miracle and all that hard work finally pays off! I don't have much time for a long post right now, but if you could please send up some prayers and good wishes for us today, we would greatly appreciate it! Updates to follow, I promise!!

Can you spare a prayer?

My good friend and her husband are facing a tough road the next few days. They had their FET on 2/1 and a BFP on 2/8, however T's hCG levels just aren't doubling the way they should be and they fear that she's losing their baby(s). Please lift them up in prayer today. We're praying that their two little embies are snuggling in there for the long haul, however it looks bleak. I know they'll need their strength the get through the next few days. Hopefully, actually I know, that by giving it over to God, they will find the peace they need. Thanks!

"When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one as well as the other..."
(Ecclesiastes 7:14).

Slow and steady...

wins the race, right? I sure hope so, because I've just about had enough of these daily/nightly sticks! I had more bloodwork and another ultrasound yesterday morning and every thing's progressing nicely. I only had two nice sized follies on the right ovary and I think there were four in the running on the left. I guess I just expected alot more, especially since I'm on such a high dose of the Foll.istim, but Dr. Wonderful assured me that all looked perfect. But honestly, don't these numbers seem low? We've upped the Foll.istim to 300iu's @ night and have added Ganir.elix into the mix now, so I'm now administering four shots a day. I am pretty proud of myself though, considering I am terrified of needles. We'll see if that courage lasts once we start the PIO shots...:::shudder:::! More bloodwork and another ultrasound tomorrow morning, and then hopefully they can give me a firmer timeline for retrieval. We'll see...

In other household news, Hubby is home putting in our new windows today!! Pretty exciting, especially since I'm convinced that the old one's are the original to the house (which is over 40 yrs old!) and if you stand in front of them you're sure to feel a nice breeze. He said he took before and afters, so maybe I'll post some later. We've done so much work to the house over the past year and a half, and it's really cool to see the transformations! Hmmm, maybe a little picture tour is in order?

And last and most important, my beautiful friend Nine over here welcomed her Peanut into the world yesterday!! Please take a minute to stop by and congratulate the new parents!!!

It's February already?

Settle in, cause this is a long one! I honestly can't believe how fast January passed us by, and as I sit at my desk this morning going over our IVF calendar, yes, I have a medication calendar and I'm slightly OCD, I can't believe that we're already into the second week of February! I don't know where the time slips away to?

Anywho, as usual I'm a slacker in the blog department. Only this time I really couldn't help it, honest! I wound up getting sick last week and was down in bed for four days! I'm not talking about a little sniffle and a sore throat, no way. I'm talking about raging headache, aches and pains, runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing, chills, hacking cough...you get the point. Hubby swears that I picked up something from the gym last Monday night, but honestly with everything that's been going around and the constant fluctuating temps here on the East coast, it's no wonder. I was able to get into the Dr. on Wednesday and get some meds, which he assured me would have no impact on our upcoming cycle. However, when I was still not feeling any better by Saturday, and upon looking at my bottle of medication, realized that I was supposed to be taking one pill, twice a day, rather than the one a day I had been taking. So, after correcting that little oops, I finally started to feel better yesterday. And now back to work...

On the more important IVF front, we're moving right along. I had my CD3 b/w and u/s on Thursday and started stims that night, along with Hubby starting the Doxycyc.line twice a day. For my new bloggie friend Ashley (Hi & welcome!!) who asked what the Doxy is for, it's given to the male partner during the wife’s stimulation cycle to further reduce the low levels of bacteria that may be found in the semen and which may compromise the performance of the sperm during an IVF cycle. It is also given to the female partner to reduce the risk of inferior following aspiration of the follicles at the time of egg retrieval. Whew, hope that answers your question. Oh, and I made the mistake of pumping 450iu's of Foll.istim into the belly all at once on the first night and have been paying for it since. The spot is so tender it's ridiculous! What was I thinking? Right now we're doing 450iu's of Foll.istim, 225 in the am and 225 in the pm, along with 15iu's of low dose HC.G. I seriously feel like a human pin cushion, and I'm telling you those HC.G shots burn something awful! A few minutes with the ice pack aftwerwards works wonders! I had more b/w and another u/s yesterday morning and everything looks good, estrogen was at 201 so we're moving right along. I have another one tomorrow morning and then we'll see...I'm thinking a possible retrieval this weekend? Oh, and my stinking nurse won't prescribe any EML.A cream for me, so anyone who might have some extra laying around, I sure would appreciate it over here when the time comes for thos PIO shots!

And lastly, congratulations are in order for two very special blogger buddies of mine who have recently gotten their coveted BFP's, Larissa and Jenn!! I'm so unbelievably happy for you both and can't wait to follow your journey to motherhood!