Then, the punch in the stomach came Sunday during dinner at my brother's...my niece is pregnant with her second, due in early June. Seriously, if I could have just melted into the floorboards and disappeared I would have. What made it even worse was that A was home sick, so I was there by myself. I was so tempted to call him to have him come and pick me up. I don't know why, but part of me felt so betrayed. What made me feel like an even bigger jerk was that I couldn't even bring myself to congratulate them. I am so very happy for them, but their great news just couldn't have come at a worse time. I'm really just having such a difficult time dealing with all this right now, and finding it very hard to stay positive and keep faith that God has bigger plans for us. I know in my heart that things could be alot worse, and that we should be thankful for only having these small problems, but it's consuming me. I'm praying so hard for strength, for positivity and for God to continue to watch over us. I pray that the medical world continues to make strides with IF, and I pray for all my fellow ladies out there who are dealing with some form of inferti.lity or a loss. I'm trying to remember that when the road seems toughest, we can lay our burdens on our Father and he will carry them for us.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry. I know how hard that punch in the stomach hurts! I've been there.
This is what I will say...and it's so hard to realize it now...
When we first got the news about Mike's Azoospermia we were devestasted. Ok-that's an understatement, we were crushed, our hearts had been ripped from us and stomped on...that times a million. As time has gone on I can honestly say that God has allowed me peace with the situation. The why me's consumed me for a long time. And there are many times when I still ask myself that question. It takes a long time, but things do get easier. One thing that has helped, is that we took time to grieve. We took time to reach out to each other and try and understand how the other felt about the situation. If your husband is like mine, he is feeling very insecure. He may not tell you that, but try to be there for him, as he is trying to stay strong for you, while dealing with his own feelings of hurt, frustration, and insecurities. Don't feel rushed to go on with treatments until you TRULY feel you are ready. I was so ready to move on to the next step that I was forgetting at times all that Mike was going through and that he needed time to process it all.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through it. It is such a horrible thing-and IF can truly suck everything out of you-emotionally and physically. So stay strong, lean on one another for strength, and remember to be there for each other. Take this time to be sad if you need it-beause it is totally normal to feel sad and devestated.
I'm here if you need anything!! And just remember...YOU WILL BE A MOM ONE DAY!!! ONE WAY OR ANOTHER-IT WILL HAPPEN!!!
Post a Comment