Monday, October 19, 2009

The Quilt of Holes

Hello's been a long time since my last post, and I hope this finds all of you happy & healthy. Life in general over the past few months has been good. We are just trying to live each day to it's fullest, and appreciate all that we have. Our last failed IVF was nothing short of heartbreaking, and while I do owe you all a proper update, today is just not the day.

I had a very good friend send this to me last Friday, and it really hit home. If you have a few moments to read it, I know you'll enjoy it too...

The Quilt of Holes

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

As my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw that the hardships I endured were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose, each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter, but there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you....'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

"God determines who walks into your life...but it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."


The Patterson's said...

That is beautiful...thanks for sharing.

Shannon said...

Thank you for sharing, I love that. I've been thinking of you and still pray for your daily.

Sumer said...

You got an award!! Check out my blog!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing the quote! Missed you on here although I am just in the reading not posting phase myself. Can't wait to hear what has been going on.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kristi. I came across your blog googling for something - I share your experiences to some extent -married in 2005, trying to conceive for about 1.5 years, 5 cycles of clomid only, then 3 cycles of Clomid with IUI - now thinking of IVF. Anyways, the reason I am writing this post is because I wanted to let you know that there is this clinical trial in manhattan that will do IVF with no cost - i.e. if your insurance is not paying for your IVF, since you live close by may be you can benefit from the trial. In my case, I am too far away from NY and my insurance does not cover IVF. So $$ is a big factor in deciding to go with IVF. So, wanted to give you the information. Here is their web site:

Kacey said...

That's beautiful.
I now have a blog and will be doing my 1st ivf in Jan.
We may not understand why we've had to go through all this, but one day we will.

Erica said...

That is a very, very beautiful story. I hope you both are enjoying the holidays and having a wonderful Christmas. One day, it's gonna be your turn. You just gotta get there.


Rachel said...


Anonymous said...

I know we haven't heard from you a while, but I am compelled to lift a prayer for you right now. God is faithful, and I know He is still working out his plans for you.