National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

As so many of us know, but for those that don't, April 24th through May 1st is National Infertility Awareness Week! NIAW is a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans. 1 in 8 people are dealing with or have dealt with infertility. It's a crisis not often understood or discussed, but has a huge impact on that person's life!

Most people still think that infertility is all in your head. That it isn't a real problem and that it certainly isn't something you go to the doctor about. They tend to think you should just relax and let it happen. For those of us who suffer or have suffered fertility challenges, we know that there is more to it than that.

National Infertility Awareness Week is a time for people to see that infertility is a prominent problem facing one out of every six American couples. It's not something whispered about by women anymore and it's definitely not just a woman's problem. The causes of infertility are split evenly over the male and female problem. As family and friends of a fertility-challenged person, it is important for you to show support! Please remember that the vast majority of infertile couples have minimal control of the diseases that causes their infertility. Giving them emotional support during this trying time is a wonderful way to assist them! During National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW), please take a moment to learn a little more about this debilitating disease so many of us face!

Visit RESOLVE to connect with others and find out how you can make a difference!

This Is My Prayer

Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day.
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.
I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to You.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm.
Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day; to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind so that I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil.
And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing and receive the forgiveness of God.
And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example - to slip away and find a quiet place to pray.
It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me so that I may be a blessing to others.
Keep me strong so that I may help the weak.
Keep me uplifted so that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those that don't know you intimately.
I pray for those that don't believe. But I thank You that I believe.
I believe that God changes people and God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every family member in their households.
I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes; that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them, and every mouth that confesses them willingly.
This is my prayer.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Keeping Hope alive in 2010...

Dear Friends,

Where does the time go? It literally passes in the blink of an eye, and I'm finding it hard to believe that it's been almost four months since my last post. Our journey these past three and a half years has certainly been one full of excitement and disappointment, prayers, anxiety, true despair and heartache. And while we've had our share of ups and downs, we know that it's also been a journey filled with love, hope and faith. So much has happened within these last four months, and we hope & pray that the choices we've made going forward are the one's that will allow us to reach our dreams of having a family.

I'll share more of what we've been up to in another post, but for now we just wanted to say thank you, dear friends for sticking it out with us during the rough times and celebrating the good ones as well. Thank you for your support, your hope and your prayers when we needed it the most. We are happy to leave 2009 behind. It was a challenging year (to say the least). We hope & pray that 2010 is a better one, and until our dreams are realized we continue to be grateful, blessed and thankful for all that we have TODAY!

The Quilt of Holes

Hello friends...it's been a long time since my last post, and I hope this finds all of you happy & healthy. Life in general over the past few months has been good. We are just trying to live each day to it's fullest, and appreciate all that we have. Our last failed IVF was nothing short of heartbreaking, and while I do owe you all a proper update, today is just not the day.

I had a very good friend send this to me last Friday, and it really hit home. If you have a few moments to read it, I know you'll enjoy it too...

The Quilt of Holes

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

As my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw that the hardships I endured were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose, each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter, but there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you....'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!



"God determines who walks into your life...but it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

Friday morning...

Nothing like getting a call first thing in the morning telling you something you already knew. Jesus, this sucks! Another heart break, another failure. I really don't have much else to say, but just wanted to thank you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past few weeks...it really means alot.

One word...

negative. That's all I've got...

To test, or not to test?

That is the question? I'm still debating on whether to POAS prior to Friday's blood draw. Actually, I'm terrified. Hubby is a stressed-out wreck, and keeps telling me how guilty he's feeling about going away for the weekend. That's probably why he keeps telling me I should test early. Like I said yesterday, part of me wants to and part of me doesn't. I just want to hold onto that little shred of hope as long as I can, I guess. If I test tomorrow, I'll be 10dp3dt, Friday would be 11dp3dt. Another consideration, morning or evening? What do you ladies think? I really value your opinions, so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!!

The Waiting Game

Yup, that's exactly what I'm playing right now and I hate it! I wish time would just stage right and fast forward to Friday, but alas, I'm not that lucky! I'm 8dp3dt and I got nothing! Well, I mean besides the soreness from the progesterone shots, which seem to be giving me a lot of heartache this time around, I've had a bit of heartburn, some fatigue and some cramping on Saturday and Sunday, but that's it and they're all normal PMS symptoms for me, I might add. It's 'technically' CD28 and I'm a to-the-date kind of girl. However, I'm chalking up the lack of AF symptoms to the fact that I "ovulated" much later than usual this month. And so we wait....tick, tock, tick, tock...

Hubby will be leaving late Friday morning for an all weekend bachelor party , which means he won't be home when the news comes in. Devastating if it's yet another negative! I've told my girlfriend that if she sees me trying to drown myself in our front yard sprinkler to come and save me! I do have a bachelorette party myself on Saturday night, so I can always drown my sorrows there, but you know, I'd really like to NOT be partaking in the alcohol consumption. I asked Hubby if he thought I should test before Friday and he said yes. He voted for Thursday, me for Friday morning. Either way, I'm not yet sure what I'll do. Part of me wants to know, and yet part of me wants to hold on to the not knowing as long as I can. Does that make sense? I guess I'm really just so damn afraid of disappointment again, that I'd rather just not know anything at all until Friday. Not knowing means that I can still hold out hope until they call. Not know means that I still have a chance. All my faith is in God, and we're praying with everything we have that this time it's our turn.

"God always gives His best to
those that leave the choice with Him."
~Anonymous~.

Playing Catch-up....

Hello friends, yes, I have been a very bad blogger. I must confess...it's been over a week since my trigger post, and I have absolutely no excuse for NOT posting other than sheer laziness! I'm not sure how I let that much time get away from me, but as I was sitting having lunch today I realized that I had, and that I had missed posting our retrieval and transfer updates? Hmmm, I hope it's not too late!

So, to catch up, we triggered last Thursday night and had our transfer on Friday morning. Here I was thinking that it was going to be another piece of cake, and boy was I wrong. Well, actually to be quite honest the retrieval itself was uneventful, but I wound up having a bad reaction to the anesthesia this time around and came out hysterically sobbing. I also managed to rip the oxygen mask off and fling it behind the bed...yes folks, all while still being completely out of it. Let me tell you that when Hubby told me what I did I was mortified, to say the least! I did read somewhere that sometimes anesthesia can give you nightmares while you're out and you will wake up not remembering them, so perhaps that's what happened? Needless to say, Hubs thought it was quite funny, and I sat there the rest of the time wanting to kick him. I did also have some major cramping and pretty bad gas pains afterwards, but nothing a hot pack and some Tylenol with Codeine couldn't cure. So anyway, by the time of retrieval I had 18 follies, out of which they got 6 mature eggs (one less than we had last time). We left there pretty happy with those results and praying that we'd have some fighters!!

On Saturday we were called with our fertilization report, and out of the 6 we had four fertilize!! I dropped to my knees praising God, and we spent the rest of the weekend hoping those four would make it to transfer.

We got our call Monday morning that our transfer was scheduled for 12:15, so we knew some of them must have made it. However, the nurses can't tell you anything until you get there, which honestly, I think is just ridiculous! I mean, come on! Anyway, 12:15 sharp I started to drink and we were brought back to recovery. I drank, and drank, and drank. They came in with the portable ultrasound to make sure my bladder was full, told the doctor we were ready to go, and in he came...out of our four, three had made it!! Out of those three, one was six cells and two were five cells!! Here they are in all their glory...


So all in all, MUCH better results this time around. There was 30% fragmentation on one of the five cells (left), but the other two looked great. He suggested putting back in all three, so that's what we did and now we wait! I go in tomorrow morning to have my hormone levels checked and then a pregnancy test next Friday.

Sooo, other than hitting a vein in my butt cheek the other night while doing my progesterone shot (Holy pain!!!) and some random heartburn, I'm feeling pretty good! We're just trying to take it day by day and stay calm. At this point in time, I can't even picture myself pregnant anymore, so if it does happen it will be a shock. Either way, we know that we have no control over the results. It's already decided what will happen by the Big Guy upstairs, so why get ourselves all worked up? That's not to say that if the test is negative we won't be upset, but I'm just feeling so much more at peace with this cycle. Not sure if it's partly due to the acupuncture or something else, but it's strange and comforting. So my dears, I'll leave you with that and with my sincerest thanks for all your prayers and well wishes! It's true that prayer really does work!

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
(Psalm 94:19).

TRIGGER Happy!!

Well, after 13 DAYS of stimming we've finally made it to trigger day!! Estrogen was perfect at 2,523 and progesterone was at 0.5. Two Ovidrel tonight at 9:30 on the dot, and retrieval is scheduled for Friday morning at 8:00!!! Here's where we stand today, and I might add that somewhere along the line I've managed to gain an add'l 5 FOLLIES...no idea how that happened, but praise God nonetheless!!!!

"Righty"
2 @ 10mm
1 @ 13mm
1 @ 15mm
3 @ 17mm
1 @ 19mm
1 @ 20mm

"Lefty"
4 @ 10mm
2 @ 13mm
1 @ 15mm
1 @ 17mm
1 @ 18mm

Sooo, one last monitoring appointment tomorrow morning and then it's on like Donkey Kong! Lol! I'll also be visiting St. Gerard again tomorrow, and have another acupuncture appointment as well. I'm covering all bases this time! With that being said, if you have a moment to spare this evening, please lift us up in prayer. We can use all we can get over the next few days!!

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him."
(Jeremiah 17:7).

Almost there...

Well, as of 1:47 this afternoon, I am happy to say that we're almost to the end of the stimming phase!! Praise God and hallelujah, because this Lupron has turned me into a walking zombie with a daily migraine, blech!! I'm scared, nervous and hopeful all at the same time. I've somehow allowed Hope to creep in there again. How is beyond me, but I'm feeling so at peace this cycle, that I'm guessing that's why. Anyway, here's where we stand today...

"Righty"
1 @ 14mm
3 @ 15mm
1 @ 16mm
1 @ 17mm

"Lefty"
2 @ 10mm and under
3 @ 11mm-13mm
1 @ 15mm
1 @ 18mm

More blood work and another ultrasound tomorrow morning, and then we should be triggering tomorrow night! WOW!! There was a moment this morning where they thought that might happen tonight, but Dr. Wonderful is banking on the "cluster" of follies in my left ovary to surge ahead tonight with the last of the stims. He explained to me that while we do have some pretty good, larger sized follies on each ovary, he's hoping he can get 'ol Lefty to catch up. All in all, I'm pretty happy with these numbers and am just praying that we're able to get some quality eggs from them. At this point in time, I'm praying for quality over quantity. We have about the same number of follies as last time, so we'll see. I'm crossing everything!

Saturday...

Well, I knew this post could go one of two ways, and I'm glad to say that as of this morning's blood work and ultrasound...WE HAVE GROWTH!! Praise God!! Here's the run down:

"Righty" (usually referred to as "Lazy Righty")
5 @ 12mm
2 @ 13mm

"Lefty" (usually referred to as "Superstar"...not so much this time)
4 @ 10mm
2 @ 13mm

I go back in for b/w and u/s Tuesday morning, and Nurse Sweetie Pie anitcipates that we'll probably be taking the Ovidrel on either Tuesday or Wednesday...gaaaahhhh!!! Now we're just praying for continued growth, resulting in good quality eggs. On Friday afternoon, I made a trek to the shrine of St. Gerard with my good friend K :::waves Hi!:::, and it looks like prayers DO get answered!

Please Lord, continue to watch over us as we walk this path to parenthood. We know that with You, all things are possible.

""Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it, and it will be yours."
(Mark 11:22, 24).

Worrying & Acupuncture

Happy Friday everyone!! I am so glad this work week is almost over...whew! I'm really looking forward to spending some quality time with the Hubby this weekend! Work has been so busy for him since the Spring, and he's finally getting a whole weekend off, YAY!! I have a birthday brunch for my SIL Sunday morning and then my niece's pool party that afternoon, and I'm thinking maybe a date night tomorrow? I'm itching to see Transfor.mers, so we'll see...

Anyway, I've been hesitant to post an update from my blood work and ultrasound on Wednesday. Mostly because there's not much to update you guys on. Somewhere in between Monday and Wednesday I've managed to "lose" 2 follicles. How, you might be asking yourself, is that possible? I have no idea. I'm chalking it up to the fact that, with our clinic, you pretty much see a different Dr. every time you go for morning monitoring and they all read the ultrasounds differently. I voiced my concerns to our Nurse, because lets face it, I need all the follies I can get, and she said the same thing. Strike two - there wasn't any progress, growth wise, with the follies and that had me really concerned. Again, my Nurse tried to assure me that it was still a little early to see follicle growth. With our first IVF cycle, we did have a little growth by CD8, but not a big difference. Seriously though? I'm pumping enormous amounts of drugs into my body and nothing? I'm trying to stay positive, and remind myself that you only need ONE egg to get the job done, but I'm just.so.scared. What if I go in tomorrow and I'm still stuck with follies <10? What if they wind up cancelling our cycle? What if we've spent all this money, yet again, and I still wind up not having anything to show for it? I mean, you guys know how it goes...the questions just go on, and on, and on...I know that there's really nothing I can do about it. It is what it is, and I'm just going to try and give it up to God and let Him be in control. Oh, yeah and also trying to just breeeeaaathe!!!

Okay, so enough Debbie Downer for today....

Onto my acupuncture appointment. Let me just say this, for those of you who have never done it or are scared to do it...DO IT!!! Even if not for "fertility" reasons, just give it a chance and I promise you that you will not be disappointed! Of course, I was a little nervous when I arrived at the office, but Dr. K really took the time to talk me through everything. She took a complete medical history, measured my pulse and explained everything that was going to happen. She wound up putting about 20 needles into various parts of my body, really focusing on the fertility aspect of it. She also put a heat lamp over my abdomen once she had all the needles in, and let me tell you, it was heaven!! Apparently, a warm abdomen helps to promote a snuggly uterus, which in turn helps with embryo implantation. Who knew! There was one instance where she put a needle into my hand that wasn't exactly pleasant, but she remedied it right away and explained that certain needles can feel "heavier" in parts of the body that carry more stress. Anyway, I wound up falling asleep, that's how relaxed I was. I woke up refreshed and with so much energy, and have been sleeping like a baby ever since! We're going to work a little more on stress management next week, and she even said we might have some time for a neck massage! Woohoo!!

Soooo, this post turned out a lot longer that I had anticipated, but I do feel much better now! I hope all you lovelies out there have a beautiful weekend, and if you can, send up a few prayers for us!

SQUEEEEE!!!

So I just found out that they've moved the release date for Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince up to July 15th!! Gaaaah, I can't wait!!! This movie looks to be one of the best ones yet!! Here's a peek...

Sisterhood Award

A while ago I received the "Sisterhood Award" from my dear bloggie friend Osuraj. Who, I might add, has just gotten her coveted BFP!! Please take a minute to visit her blog, congratulate her and show her some love and support today! I know I've dragged my feet in passing it along, but no better time than the present, I say.

Anyway, I was thinking...the last time I received an award, I nominated some folks who never even acknowledged the award. Even after leaving a message on their blogs. Maybe those who didn't respond and pass it along didn't feel honored, or felt like it was a burden. I'm sorry for that. I hate to obligate anyone with an award.

So, that in turn made me rethink this whole award thing: are they a good thing or are they not? I think they are a good thing. Blogging takes a lot of work and time, and it is lovely to be recognized for your efforts. I want to thank those who stop by my blog, read what I write and who continually offer their prayers, love and support. Even while going through their own struggles. These awards are a lovely thing and a good way to share good feelings, so I hope that those I tag will accept this award in the spirit in which it is given: attitude and/or gratitude.

The "guidelines" state that you should nominate at least 10 blogs who fit this bill. Hmmm, what to do, what to do? I know in doing this, I will most assuredly leave out a number of people who have been good "sisters". "Sisters" who have not forgotten me, even though I haven't been the best bloggie friend lately. There are so many of you who have shown us so much love and support since this blog was started, so please forgive me if I've inadvertently left anyone out!

The guidelines for this award are:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.


2. Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.


3. Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.


4. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

I nominate the following people and their inspiring blogs:

Erica @ Our Baby Wish
Shannon @ Faith Hope and Love
Tabitha @ Think (+) Positive
Jenn @ Love, Pain & the Whole Crazy Thing
Erin @ Hoping for our own Peanut
Kimberly @ Infertility Demons
Amber @ Jason and Amber
Caroline @ Caroline...Infertile in fertile world
Nikki @ Baby....Maybe
G & H @ Journey to a "Wondraful" Baby

Meds 101

I know that for most of us IF'ers out there, we're more than familiar with all the different medications used prior to, during and after an IVF cycle. I know that when we started our first cycle, I had so many questions that needed answering. I was scared, nervous and excited all at the same time!

For those newcomer's out there, I thought it might be beneficial to do a post explaining what the "typical" IVF meds are. So, without further ado, here's a little more information as to what each one is used for during a "typical" IVF cycle. Please keep in mind that everyone is different, and your protocol may/may not include all these. I've also included some other meds that come into play as well throughout the cycle...

• Estrace/Estradiol (oral) - I couldn't find a really good definition of this, other than that it's used to treat conditions due to menopause (eg, hot flashes; vaginal itching, burning, or dryness), treating vulval or vaginal atrophy, and preventing osteoporosis (brittle bones). It is also used for estrogen replacement therapy after failure of the ovaries and to relieve the symptoms of breast cancer. Not sure what it's exactly used for in conjunction with IVF. Hmmm, anybody?

• Microdose Lupron (subcutaneous inj) - initially accelerates the pituitary gland and then stops it from producing LH and FSH the two hormones responsible for egg development and ovulation), allowing for a controlled stimulation cycle prior to IVF. The low-dose preparation has the ability to stimulate rather than suppress the ovaries. This is used for "poor responders." Usually, five, ten or twenty units is given daily as prescribed during the cycle. It may be overlapped with birth control pills for 3-7 days.

• Low-dose hCG (subcutaneous inj) - used as a replacement for LH to help supplement the stimulation during ART cycles. When administered as an injection to a non-pregnant woman, hCG acts the same way that luteinizing hormone (LH) does. The advantage is that hCG lasts a lot longer in the body than LH does and therefore has a more reliable, consistent effect. Because of these features, hCG is much more potent than LH.

• Follistim (subcutaneous inj) - used to induce or enhance ovulation, or, to super-stimulate the ovaries. Follistim contains follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), a naturally occurring hormone. FSH is important in the development of follicles (eggs) produced by the ovaries. Generally started on the second, third, fourth or fifth day of the cycle, and continued for 7 to 12 days or longer if the ovary responds slowly. Gonal-F, Bravelle, Pergonal and Repronex can also be put in this category.

• Ganirelix (subcutaneous inj) - GnRH antagonist that immediately suppress luteinizing hormone (LH). This medication is initiated during the later part of the stimulation cycle when the follicles begin to increase in size. Cetrotide can also be used.

• hCG ("trigger shot")(subcutaneous inj) - causes the eggs to complete the maturation process. This is taken only once in the cycle. Release of the eggs should occur about 36-46 hours after the shot. Timing this shot is vital! If it's given too early, the eggs will not have matured enough. If given too late, the eggs may be “too old” and won't fertilize properly. The daily ultrasounds at the end of your stims are meant to time this trigger shot just right. Usually, the hCG injection is given when four or more follicles have grown to be 18 to 20mm in size and your estradiol levels are greater than 2,000pg/ML. Brand names for this include Ovidrel, Novarel and Pregnyl.

• Doxycycline (oral) - prescribed to each partner during an IVF cycle, to control bacteria that may affect implantation in the female and sperm quality in the male. This ensures that uterus is free of bacteria before embryo transfer. In most cases your partner will start this on your CD3, taking it twice a day for a minimum of five days prior to partner’s retrieval, and you will start it the night of your retrieval.

• Medrol (oral) - a light steroid that is used to prevent 'inflammation' of the uterine lining that can cause it to reject the embryo. Usually, one pill daily beginning the day of retrieval and ending the day of, or after, embryo transfer.

• Progesterone (intramuscular inj) - these are the big boys!! Administered to support the uterine lining during early pregnancy. Used daily starting the day of IVF retrieval and continuing until the pregnancy test, and an additional four to six weeks if the pregnancy test is positive. I use the Progestero.ne in Ethyl Oleate which is a much thinner consistency. Because of this, you can use a smaller gauge needle, which in turn, makes it that much easier to administer. Do yourself (and your hiney!) a favor and ask your Dr. for this one!!!

So, that about sums it up!

Plugging along...

So, I've got a bit to catch you guys up on...I went for CD3 b/w on Friday morning and started meds that night. Meds meaning 20iu's Lupron in the morning, 20iu's Lupron, 450iu's Follistim and 15iu's low-dose hCG all in the evening. WHOA!! This was all in addition to the Estrace I was taking twice a day, which I was able to stop yesterday. YAY!! Dr. Wonderful has us on a very different protocol this time around in the hopes that we'll be able to produce a few more, good quality eggs, and it looks like that might be working!

Bloodwork and ultrasound yesterday morning showed SEVEN follies on my lazy, right ovary (go righty!!) and FOUR beauties on the left, all <10 of course, but with IVF #1 we only had a total of seven at retrieval, so I'm feeling like we're already ahead of the game!!! I am praying with all that I have that they're good quality eggs, and at this point in time I'm feeling very positive! Much different from how I was feeling the first time around. More b/w and another u/s tomorrow morning will give us a better idea of where we're at, and hopefully a possible retrieval date...GAHHH!!!

I'm also making my first, official visit to an acupuncture specialist tomorrow after work. This doctor was referred to me by our PCP, whose wife used her during their second successful IVF cycle. I found an interesting article here, and I'm curious to see how she'll be able to help me through this cycle. Hopefully, she'll at least be able to relieve some of the stress and anxiety that goes hand in hand with IVF.

The Climb...

In addition to just loving Miley Cyrus and thinking that she's completely adorable, this song just says it all! It literally gives me the chills every time I hear it, and the lyrics seem like they were written just for me...I hope it inspires you as much as it does me because, really when we come down to it, it IS all about the climb!



I can almost see it,
That dream I'm dreamin'
But there's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it...

Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction,
My faith is shaking...

But I, I gotta keep tryin',
Gotta keep my head held high...
There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move,
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side...
It's the climb!

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but,
No, I'm not breaking...
I may not know it,
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin'...

And, I, I got to be strong,
Just keep pushing on...
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move,
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose...
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side...
It's the climb!

Yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move,
Always gonna be an up-hill battle,
Sometimes you're gonna have to lose...
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side...
It's the climb!

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep the faith, baby!
It's all about...
It's all about...
The climb!
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah!

And so it begins...

...IVF "Take 2" that is! Well, today marks CD1 and the official start of our second IVF cycle! What can I say...I'M TERRIFED!! Actually, I'm terrified and excited at the same time (if that's really possible?). Physically, I feel so much more relaxed this time around, and I'm chalking that up to the fact that we've already been through it once. I know what to expect...from raging hormones, to mood swings, to giant needles and I'm okay with all of it. And even though the first time around didn't result in a positive outcome for us, I'm still waaay less stressed about the road ahead. However, my emotions seem to be seated in the front row of the rollercoaster, as I can go from feeling way, way up to feeling way, waaaaay down in a matter of 0.8 seconds flat! Honestly, I just don't want to be left behind...AGAIN! I want a guarantee this time around that IT WILL WORK! However, I know that's precisely the way it doesn't work, and it makes me sad. I also feel like a heel complaining about any of it because I know there are so many women out there who never even get to the point I'm at. So, I guess I just have to plug away, move forward and put my faith in God and myself.

I had a wonderful friend lend me her holy medals (Saint Ge.rard, Saint Jud.e and the Vi.rgin M.ary) that she wore during her own infertility treatments, so in addition to my daily novena's to Saint Th.erese, I feel pretty well covered. I've also had another dear friend offer to take me to St. Lu.cy's Chu.rch, which is home to the national shrine of Saint Gera.rd, to be blessed and receive a Saint Ger.ard handkerchief. If you don't know the story of this, take a look here. Anyway, I'll be going on on Friday for CD3 b/w and u/s, so I'll keep you all posted! Thank goodness we have some pretty busy weekends coming up, which will hopefully help make the time pass even faster...as always a big Thank You goes out to all you beautiful readers out there who continue to show me so much love and support! Without you guys, how would I have ever made it so far? So, THANKS! :)

The newest addition to our family...

I know I'm a little behind, but I just couldn't resist...please welcome to the world my 2nd great nephew, Gavin Patrick!! He was born on May 31st, weighing in @ 9lbs, 1oz and 21 inches long! This little guy is such a snuggle bug, and we're all just over the moon in love with him!

Daddy, Riley & Gavin...